Lavender's Parchment
by KingofAllRight
Summary: Lavender's snagged Ron, but she needs to get Hermione off of the market (for her own sanity, at least). Her and Parvati drag Seamus and the Golden Trio into a modified game of Truth or Dare. Hermione's gone over the rules, so it can't get too crazy. Right? LB/RW, Seamus/Parv, H/Hr. T for snogging, mentions of adult stuff, and language. Summary is meh. Writing is probably worse. P


NOTE: This takes place during the start of sixth year. It's regular canon outside of two things.  
1) Lavender started on Ron earlier, so they're officially an item already.  
2) Voldemort managed to get out of town before the Ministry saw him, so Fudge still has his head up his ass.

Oh, and I claim no rights to Harry Potter. Blah blah disclaimer blah blah using her sandbox blah blah not making money from it blah.

* * *

You could call her whatever you like (and many people did), but Lavender Brown was not by any means unintelligent. She was girly, she was blonde, she was oblivious to things, she was hormonal, and she was a bit top-heavy, but she was not stupid. She'd managed to snag the tallest boy in Gryffindor (not counting Cormac, but no one counted him). It hadn't been an easy task, as Mr. Ronald Weasley tended to be single-minded on most occasions. But she'd been patient and steady. She'd shown her interest clearly without scaring him off. Yes, life was good for now.

There was one minor obstacle, though. She wouldn't feel truly safe until Hermione was off of the market. Hermione was bossy, and could get away with near-ordering her two boys around. True, they had very good reason to listen, if even half of the stories about the three of them were true. But circumstances didn't lessen the bookworm's hold on Lavender's boyfriend.

It took a solid month of research and planning, and it could go wrong in at least a dozen different ways. But she'd dragged Parvati into it, so she still felt like she had a decent chance of pulling this off.

Neville and Dean were in bed, and the other two Gryffindor girls were in detention. Harry was playing chess with Seamus, while Ron waited to play the winner. Hermione had just walked into the Common Room, and didn't look miffed for once. Lavender nodded to Parvati, who retreated up the stairs for the piece of parchment.

This might actually work.

"Hermione. Could you help us look over some Charms work?"  
She blinked, clearly not expecting the question. Glancing over at the males, and concluding that they weren't in need of any urgent mothering, she nodded and walked over.  
"Do you actually need help with Professor Flitwick's essay?"  
Lavender shook her head. "I've finished that already. Parvati and I were looking into making a set of Charms for a game of Truth or Dare. We want a form of..." she paused, searching for the word, "protection, without resorting to Unbreakable Vows."  
Hermione didn't quite refrain from rolling her eyes at the request, but Lavender carried on nonetheless, "We'd ask someone else, but we heard what you did to the parchment for the DA, and we want to tie it in similarly to that. We've done all of the work, I think. You just need to check it over for us."  
Right on cue, Parvati approached with a month's worth of Charms research, all condensed into a foot of parchment. Hermione sat down and took the parchment, scanning it quickly. What Hermione didn't know is that the Weasley twins had already confirmed that it would work. Lavender agreed to let them sell it starting a month from now in return for their confirmation. They'd agreed, and had sent her 5 Galleons for the future profit they would be sure to make.

Hermione's occasional nods were confirming what Lavender already knew; the parchment was all but ironclad. "It looks like it covers everything." She said, setting it on the table between them.  
Now it was time to set the bait. "Could you read back exactly what it does? We've looked it over several times, but we may have missed something small. I don't exactly want to leave a loophole in there." Lavender kept her voice uncertain and mildly pleading. She needed to appeal to the mother hen in Hermione.  
Hermione glanced back at the boys, who were still playing chess. Harry had just checkmated Seamus (which Seamus confirmed by loudly swearing). Hermione admonished Seamus for his language, leading to him flipping her off. She stood to properly reprimand him, but Harry clipped him on the back of the head for it before she had a chance to start her tirade. Seamus surprisingly let Harry get away with it, so he must on some level regret that he'd done it. Hermione appeared to be debating telling him off anyways, but Lavender brought her attention back to the matter at hand. "Please?"  
She sent one last huff at Seamus, but retook her seat and picked up the parchment again.

Crisis averted.

"The rules state that each round is two cycles around the circle, one truth and one dare per person. Truths are protected by a privacy sphere, so you can't speak about them after the game unless given permission by the truth teller. Any lies will result in a visible shock to the right hand, with repeat offenses giving more severe shocks. Dares cannot involve the speaker, cannot be against any severe rules, and cannot… break groups of people?" She looked up questioningly. "Actually, I don't understand the last bit."  
Lavender nodded, "It's to protect couples. For the first part, Seamus wouldn't be able to dare me to snog him. For the second part, if I input Ron's name next to my own, Seamus wouldn't be able to dare me to snog anyone other than Ron, without first getting Ron's permission." Lavender chuckled, "My boyfriend is just a bit jealous in general, and I don't think the 'It was for Truth or Dare' excuse would fly."  
Hermione nodded slowly, "That's very thoughtful, actually."  
Lavender nodded, "So, it looks like it will work?"  
"I don't see any reason why it wouldn't." Hermione agreed.  
"Would you be willing to help us test it? Just for a round." She added quickly.  
Hermione stood up, "I'd really rather not."  
"It would just be the six of us. Seamus is a dirty scoundrel, but I trust all of you. I'd rather give it a try here first. We know that Seamus will try to bend the rules, but he won't do anything awful. Please, Hermione?"  
She glanced back at the boys, "If you can convince them, then I'll join for a round."  
Lavender strode up to the table, relishing in watching Ron trounce Harry at chess.  
"Would you three be up for a round of Truth or Dare?" Ron would go for it, and Seamus was dirty enough to know what the game promised. Harry was the one she was worried about. She watched Harry glance at Ron, and then look around her at Hermione for a moment.  
"All right." He said while getting up.

Perfect!

They arranged themselves into a circle, with Lavender and Parvati quickly positioning themselves (and Ron) where they all needed to be to make this work. Hermione took the role of explaining the rules to everyone as they all passed around the parchment to sign it. The order would start with Ron, and then go Seamus, Parvati, Hermione, Harry, Lavender. The rules were explained and understood.  
It was showtime.

"Ron, you start us off." Parvati said, taking the role of overseer.  
Ron looked across the circle "Hermione."  
"Truth."  
"Who have you kissed?" He asked.

See, this nonsense is what Lavender needed to nip in the bud.

"For your information, Ronald, Victor kissed my hand and then kissed me on the cheek once."  
"Is he the only one?" Ron shot back.  
"Yes!" Hermione nearly screeched, only to receive a small shock for her omission. Her confusion was evident "But the charms were right…"  
Lavender just barely heard Harry clearing his throat. "Um, Hermione. You kissed me on the cheek after fourth year, remember?" He said, blushing slightly.  
"Oh. I'd completely forgotten about that." Hermione replied.  
"Yeah yeah. Sure you did." Ron snarked.  
"Actually, Ron, she would have gotten shocked again if she was lying." Lavender pointed out. Hermione looked pleased that Lavender took her side, but Ron was still stewing.

"Anyways" Parvati cut through the tension, "It's your turn, Seamus."  
Seamus shocked everyone by choosing Harry, who went for Truth. "Is You-Know-Who really back?"  
Harry look at him angrily. "I'm afraid I don't know who, Seamus. You're going to have to be specific." Harry suffered a shock for his lie, but he paid it no mind.  
"You-Know-Who!"  
"If you're going to ask about him, you're could at least say his name." Harry shot back.  
Seamus visibly prepared himself, "Is V-Voldem-mort back?"  
Harry looked him right in the eye. "He's back, Seamus. I saw him come back. He ordered Cedric to be killed in front of me." Harry held up his hand the whole time, proving that he wasn't receiving a shock for lying.  
Seamus palled drastically, "Oh bollocks!" He gulped loudly, "I'm sorry for not believing you before."  
Harry nodded tightly. Ron looked about ready to kill Seamus, with Hermione right behind him. They needed to steer this in the right direction...

"My turn!" Parvati announced. "Oh, Lavender..."  
"Truth!"  
Parvati grinned, "How far have you gotten with Mr Weasley over here?" She asked as she pointed to Ron.  
Lavender blushed in spite of herself. "You slag!"  
"I think we're asking whether or not you're the slag, dearie!" Parvati replied in an overly cheerful voice.  
"Heavy petting." Lavender replied primly while turning bright red. Ron's ears lit up like a Stupefy at her response.  
Hermione huffed. No surprise there.

"Your turn Hermione."  
"Ronald."  
Her tone made him wince, but he soldiered on, "Dare."  
Hermione's expression turned vicious. "You can finish Professor Flitwick's essay without my or Harry's help."  
"But I haven't started it yet, and it's due on Monday!"  
"Then maybe you should put your other _activities_ on hold for the weekend." She bit out.  
This was not going as planned.

"Harry. Your turn."  
He could only choose Lavender or Seamus, as everyone else had gone this round. "Seamus."  
Seamus guessed that Harry wouldn't be terrible to him, even given the circumstances, "Dare."  
"Sometime within the next week, you have to stand up in the Common Room and tell everyone that I'm right about Voldemort."  
Seamus nodded, "That's fair."

"My turn!" Lavender clapped, ignoring Parvati's glare. Parvati was clearly enjoying announcing whose turn it was. "Parvati."  
Parvati smirked and folded her arms, "Dare."  
"Give Mr. Finnegan a good snog."  
"If you insist." Parvati shrugged. Seamus looked like Christmas had come early. Lavender ignored them in favor of watching the reaction of the other three. Ron (rather predictably) looked like he wanted to be snogging right about now. Harry looked horribly flustered. Hermione looked halfway between disapproving and resigned.  
After they came up for air, Lavender commented. "Did you take his tonsils for a souvenir?" Ron snorted, and Harry coughed. Parvati just scooted back to her spot.  
"Was I supposed to? I can try again if you like."  
"Down girl." Lavender warned teasingly.

As Parvati was still a bit out of breath, Lavender explained to the rest "That concludes the first cycle. For this next cycle, you have to pick the option you didn't pick last time. Make sense?" Everyone nodded.  
"All right, Ron. Your turn."  
Ron had a smirk on his face, "Seamus."  
"Yeah?" Seamus asked, forgetting what he was doing, "Right. Truth."  
"Did you enjoy that snog, mate?" Ron asked with a guffaw.  
"Oh hell yes! I'd love another go, t'be honest." He didn't even try to lie. Parvati darkened a little, causing Lavender to chuckle at her embarrassment.

"Seamus, your go." Parvati took over again.  
"Oy! Ron!" Seamus was clearly looking for payback.  
Ron shrugged, "Truth."  
"Ya ever wank off to yer girlfriend?"  
"Seamus Michael Finnegan!" Hermione yelled, scandalized.  
"How in the bloody hell did ya learn my middle name?!" Seamus shot back, surprised.  
Hermione was clearly pleased at herself. "I have my ways."  
"It was probably in Hogwarts: A History." Ron supplied.  
"Ronald Billius Weasley!"  
"Not nearly as impressive, Herms. You've heard my mum say it before." He replied with a disarming grin.  
"You still have to answer me, Ron." Seamus needled him. Ron's ears turned red again.  
"I won't hold it against you." Lavender supplied.  
He turned a bit redder. "Yeah. I have."  
"I'm flattered." Lavender said with a wink. Ron was visibly relieved.  
"You only say that because you do it too." Parvati muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear. Ron's blush came back with a vengeance. Harry also turned bright red, while Lavender struggled mightily to keep hers under control.  
"Can you blame me?" She shot back at Parvati, who only smirked in response.

"My turn." Parvati announced. "Mr. Potter."  
Harry gulped, but met her eyes. "Dare."  
She smirked. "Our resident researcher apparently gave you a kiss a year ago. Give her one back." Harry went wide-eyed for a moment, but turned towards Hermione nonetheless. She leaned her cheek up towards him. "Ah-ah." Parvati interrupted. "On the lips, Mr. Potter." They both flushed brightly.  
Ron looked like he was headed towards mope-ville again, so Lavender leaned over toward him. "I love watching them get so embarrassed." She whispered in his ear. He snorted in response.  
Harry and Hermione were still sitting there, just staring at each other. "Need me to show you how it's done, Potter?" Seamus ribbed him.  
Harry leveled a glare at Seamus that shut him up rather quickly. Hermione looked at Lavender sternly. "I hate you."  
"No you don't!" Lavender brightly replied.  
"D'ya think he even knows how?" Seamus inquired loudly, Harry's glare having worn off for the time being.  
They continued to stare at each other. "It's just a kiss, Harry." Hermione quietly said.  
He nodded resolutely and leaned in.  
It was technically more than a quick peck. Technically. Harry leaned back away from Hermione slowly. She followed him for just a moment before catching herself doing so. Lavender didn't think he noticed, unfortunately. The good news is that they were both just a bit out of breath.

As Lavender's boyfriend would say, Check.

Now it was time to reel Hermione in. Lavender laughed loudly. Not fully condescending, mind you, but enough so to get the point across. She needed to challenge her strongly, but not make her want to murder Lavender in her sleep.  
With Hermione, that was a finer line than you'd think.  
Sure enough, Hermione glared at her. "You call that a kiss? Parvati showed you what a kiss was, and you gave us that? I feel cheated."

Parvati gave Hermione the ammo she needed. "Your turn, Hermione."  
"Lavender."  
"Dare."  
Hermione paused for a moment, "I dare you to tell us every single person you've ever snogged."  
Lavender was surprised, though she shouldn't have been. From Hermione's perspective, that question was as embarrassing as what Lavender had just done. Too bad Hermione's spell would fly wide of its mark.  
Lavender smirked back at Hermione. "I'll do one better, dearie. I'll show him." Lavender turned to Ron and proceeded to give him a full-on snog for the record books. She only stopped when she heard Parvati clear her throat, and she was pretty sure it wasn't the first time she'd done so.  
Lavender caught her breath and straightened her robes. Copying Harry's earlier tactic, she lifted her right waist to show everyone. "Ron is the only person I've snogged or gone farther with." She said confidently.

Check again.

"Harry, your turn." Parvati supplied.  
Harry only had two choices, and given that he was still (very obviously) thinking about kissing Hermione, he wouldn't even look in her direction.  
"Parvati."  
"Truth."  
"Did you and Lavender plan this?"

Oh **shit**. That was the exact wrong question to ask. They were royally screwed. Lavender was caught between wondering what tipped Harry off, and hoping she could explain it away to Ron. No matter what, Hermione was going to kill her.

"Plan what? A truth or dare game?" Parvati shrugged. "We wanted to play it, yes, and we wanted to make sure the Charms on the parchment actually worked. So yes, it was planned." Parvati was quicker on her feet than Lavender would have been, and thank Merlin for that. Harry nodded slowly, not fully convinced. Hermione was thankfully too busy still glaring at Lavender to take note of Parvati's very careful evasion.

"Lavender, you're the last one. By the rules, it's a dare to Hermione." Parvati said.  
Lavender buffed her nails, "Parvati showed you. I showed you." She brought up her hand, seemingly inspecting her nails as she talked. "I dare you to kiss Mr. Potter." Lavender let the statement hang there for a moment. She could dare her to snog him properly, but that would take away from it. She was pretty sure that Hermione would accept it as an open challenge at this point, so that's what she was going to give her. "The question for you is, are you going to do it right?"  
A very clear spark of vicious defiance flashed in Hermione's eyes. Lavender had awoken the girl that had broken every school rule twice in the last four years. As Hermione turned towards Harry, Lavender noted that Harry licked his lips, and not because he was nervous.  
"Ron, why don't we go find a warm corner?" Lavender whispered suggestively, not sparing the others a glance. She heard Parvati get up and move towards Seamus, probably to do the same thing.

As she and Ron stood up, she glanced back at the others to confirm her suspicions. Parvati and Seamus we heading for the far corner of the Common Room, and Harry and Hermione were too occupied to worry much about a corner at this point. She smiled as she pushed Ron onto the small sofa and perched herself onto his lap.

Checkmate.


End file.
